Start your day right.
I’ve talked about waking with gratitude before. But, I can’t remind myself enough about it. Keeping the habit going is critical to my success in life.
As I was thinking about my typical day, I really start off with a double boost. I always wake with gratitude. Second, I always start out quiet in the morning.
Let me explain.
The moment I check my email, or voicemail, or Facebook or Twitter or whatever, is the moment I let the world into my life. Once I open the door to the world, my day is off to the races.
Perhaps the most critical time in my day is BEFORE I let the world in. Before I check even one email or voicemail. This is the time to get my mind and body ready for the day. This is the time to visualize and work my plan for the day.
Usually, I have the day planned out the night before. So, this is not a big planning time. Rather, this is time before getting in the game. From a sports analogy, this is warm-up. The game hasn’t started yet, but is close. From a flying analogy, this is pre-flight.
My energy levels haven’t peaked either. Again, I want to peak during my primetime, not as soon as I wake up.
This period of time must be guarded ruthlessly. The world, like ocean waves, is always looking to intrude. Give it an inch, and you are toast.
Here’s what I do specifically. I wake and give gratitude. This is always first for me. I might spend a few minutes in my head being grateful for what I had, have, and will have. I might read something inspirational on gratitude.
Then, I keep all electronics off. You get used to it over time. The pull to immediately check email, blackberry, iPhone is great. But, for your own sake, please resist.
Even if you do this for 5 minutes, you are developing a powerful habit that lets you explode out of the gate every morning.
I strongly encourage you to wake everyday with gratitude and solitude.
Try it and let me know what you think.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I hear this word almost everyday from my clients.
One simple word often accompanying a couple other sentences.
Seriously, I hear this almost daily.
It’s like a plague upon the population holding people back from reaching their true potential.
It’s an easy excuse. A way to placate ourselves. Really, it’s just a somewhat clever way to lie to ourselves. When we do it and say it, we don’t feel so bad.
But, the damage has been done. The habit formed. Every time you and I do it, the next time is that much easier.
The word: “someday.”
I hear this daily.
“Someday I’ll clean the garage.”
“Someday I’ll write that report.”
“Someday I’ll work up a household budget.”
“Someday I’ll start saving for retirement.”
“Someday I’ll start exercising.”
“Someday I’ll spend more time with my kids.”
You can already see the problem, right? Someday rarely happens. Someday hardly ever gets here. Because when someday gets here, there is always another “someday.”
Someday is usually accompanied by its gang members “When I get around to it” and “one of these days.” All in the same gang. All beating up on you. All robbing you of your potential.
From my point of view, it is healthier and easier to just say you will not do something. Just don’t do it, rather than get into this false promise to yourself.
And that is really what we are talking about, isn’t it. Making false promises to yourself that you know, the moment you make them, you won’t keep. More lies to yourself.
Try this on for size:
“My garage will just stay like it is.”
“That report is a pain, I will just not do it.”
“Who needs a household budget anyway?” (just kidding on this one)
You get the idea. You are better off being honest with yourself, than lying to yourself. You will feel better. You will have integrity. You won’t feel guilty.
By the way, guilt often is for something you feel you should have done, but haven’t. So, this approach gets rid of all the guilt.
You life will be easier when you stop using this most dangerous word. Maybe delete it from your vocabulary. There could be worse things.
By the way, I’m not immune from the word someday. I am vigilant in listening for it in my daily life, then stopping it in its tracks. It still sneaks out every now and then.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I’ve been thinking about this lately, because my niece is going off to college this fall. Can’t believe she drives, let alone is going to college.
I’ve been thinking about my high school and college education. Thinking about what was useful and what wasn’t that helpful.
My conclusion is that schools are good for teaching people how to study and learn. They are pretty good at giving us practice socially. They are pretty lousy in preparing people for life and pretty good at filling our heads with useless information.
I won’t even go into the fact that American schools lag behind others in the world. In a big way.
But schools could make such a huge difference in people’s lives. They could really start people down the path of success, rather than mediocrity.
Mediocrity is mostly rewarded in school. Teachers often, not to their liking, teach to the lowest common denominator in class. This is great for those lagging in skills and horrible for everyone else.
I work with many college students who have no clue how to study. They somehow made it all the way to college and haven’t figured it out, nor were they taught.
How is that possible?
These days, many people are in financial quicksand. I never had a course in successful money management. At least, never a course in school.
How is that possible?
Relationships are key to your success at home and in the workplace. Why aren’t there classes on this? Classes on navigating office politics, for example. Young adults have a naive view of the workplace, in that everybody behaves like an adult.
To me, most people in the work place behave more like high schoolers (at best).
How is it possible, that the very critical skills needed for success today are barely taught in school? Isn’t school supposed to prepare you for life? Maybe not.
How was your education?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
If you think about it, everybody should be successful. As successful as they want to be.
But, they aren’t.
Many people are successful, many are moderately successful, and many fail.
Why?
Because success is not natural.
It is really not taught in schools. Sure, bits and pieces are taught here and there. But it is left up to individuals to piece their success together.
I don’t remember a course in high school or college on how to be successful in life.
I took French, which has helped me about zero so far.
No class in life. No class on how important interpersonal relations are. Or how to be better at them. No class in basic financial mastery. Anyway, that is for a different newsletter.
If success were natural, say like breathing, everybody would do it. Some stumble upon success.
I had a cousin who we all felt had the golden touch. Over many years he was in many different businesses, all of which were very successful. Somehow he had the knack for it. He lived out of state, but I wish I could have sat with him to learn his secrets.
Success is not often achieved by following the herd. Success is figuring out how to form the habit of doing what failures won’t do. And doing this consistently over time. And staying in the game long enough to be successful.
It is not about giving up at mile 16 of the marathon. It is staying in the game. It is running and completing the marathon.
So, are you being unnatural these days?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Just finished reading, for the second time, a great article.
All about sifting through and figuring out the common denominator of success.
The findings are relevant today, same as they were when written. I’ll share the date later in this article.
Here is the bottom line point, right up top for you.
The common denominator of success is forming the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.
That’s it. The secret to every successful individual.
Doing things that you don’t feel like doing. Doing things you don’t want to do. Pushing yourself to do some task, even if you’d rather be doing a million other things.
Do this once, and it is not a habit. Habits are ingrained forms of behavior.
Habits are things you do over and over. Patterns of behavior that happen over time. Not once, but over time.
Here’s the question: why do thing you don’t want to do?
Here’s the answer: you can accomplish things you want to accomplish.
Simple.
What keeps you on track? A strong purpose. A purpose that supports you doing those things that will make you successful. Not a weak, crappy, politically correct purpose. Nope. One that has feeling behind it. One that moves you forward on a Sunday morning when all is quiet. Moves you to take action. Moves you to do those things you really don’t want to do.
The Common Denominator of Success was originally a speech delivered by Albert Gray in 1940.
Some things never change.
Do you think he is on target?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
My confession: I am addicted to stickies. You know, those little yellow, green, blue or whatever pads of paper. You stick them everywhere. And, that is my problem. I have stickies all over the place.
I write this as therapy for myself and hopefully to prevent you from going down this path.
Heed my words carefully.
I have been using stickies as long as I can remember. My habit started small and manageable. I used those tiny stickies to mark pages in books or magazines I read. I use bigger ones for notes.
At first, it was all so innocent. But gradually, my addiction got worse. Nothing too noticeable to friends and relatives.
Not that I was a closet sticky addict. Wasn’t trying to hide anything. My stickies were out in the open for everyone to see. Most people, I suspect, didn’t even notice.
Here’s the problem. I buy stickies by the 24 pack! I use them everywhere. They are like sticky doo-doo, just all over the place.
My car has a beautiful, almost made for sticky place, right below the radio. It is fake steel or something, but a great place for stickies. I have at least one pad of stickies in the car and anywhere from 1 to 6 stickies stuck in my car at a time. The critically important ones go up on the dash.
My home office has a nice, large desk. Plenty of room for stickies. My real office has an even larger desk and even more room for stickies.
I estimate, say 3 stickies in the car, plus 6 on each desk and already we are up to 15 stickies.
But, we must add in the kitchen counter, bedroom, and basement. More places for stickies. More sticky doo-doo all over the place.
How do I stop? I have consulted with organizers and time management experts. The organizers tell me to use stickies in moderation. Sure. How? It’s not like I wake up thinking I will be using stickies all day. It just sort of happens.
My time management expert friends take the cold turkey route, telling me to stop buying and using stickies. Period. Sure, but how? What is my substitute?
As far as I know, there are no AA meetings for sticky addicts. Maybe I should start one.
Do you or anybody you know suffer from this addiction? Please, let me know. If they beat the addiction, please let me know.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Typically clients come to coaching because they are stuck somehow. Stuck in a job, or job position. Stuck in a so-so or bad relationship. Stuck with their health or finances.
Nobody comes to coaching when his or her life is running smoothly. Well, almost nobody. But, the majority comes to coaching when things are off track in their life.
Most people wait a bit too. Most people don’t hire a coach on Wednesday when their life went nuts two days prior.
Often people have been stuck for years, but a current crisis brings them in for a “tuneup” or major engine overhaul. The stuckness becomes unbearable all of a sudden. Crisis points shine light on all aspects of your life that get in its way. Light has a way of making things much more apparent than under normal circumstances (just to state the obvious).
One useful resource to getting unstuck is a book by Timothy Butler titled “Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths.” This is a useful resource for both coaches and clients.
Mr. Butler starts with how it feels to be at impasse, or stuck. He describes it many ways including: stalemate, hit the wall, gridlock, trapped, caught, standstill, and of course, stuck.
He then shares his six-step method for overcoming impasse (stuckness). These steps, in order are: arrival of the crisis, deepening of the crisis, acceptance that old model is not working, opening to new types of information, deepening insight into self patterns, and finally, taking action.
Some steps will be easier or harder for you, depending on your personality and typical coping mechanisms.
Stuckness, especially when crisis crashes into it, can be a real turning point for clients. Some fold and give up. They yield to the crisis and let it run over them. Others rise to face the crisis and become stronger for it. The old saying “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” has some validity here.
Most clients who are stuck have tried a few ways to get unstuck, then get frustrated and give up. They feel out of options, even though usually there are many more available to them.
Coaches are great guides in getting clients to open up to new possibilities and ways of getting unstuck.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I have a great recommendation for you. Particularly relevant around this time of year when everybody makes New Year’s resolutions. Don’t you just love it?
The typical scenario: you are at some fancy restaurant or somebody’s house. The clock strikes midnight. Everybody hugs and kisses. Then, at some point, everybody discusses their New Year’s resolutions. Same every year.
But, how many people actually follow through on them? 2%? 5%? I don’t know, but I do know that most people don’t.
The most crowded time of the year in any gym or health club is the month of January. This is when everybody makes his or her resolutions to start working out. Everybody heads to the gym. For a couple weeks. Then the gym goes back to normal for the rest of the year. Sad.
Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, wrote a USA Today article December 30 2003 that I am referring to.
He talked about his “stop doing” list that he used and reviewed as a New Years resolution. He put it as “a mechanism for disciplined thought about how to allocate the most precious of all resources: time.”
In his book he was struck by the fact that great companies had one thing in common, they made big decisions on what NOT to do, what they would STOP doing. Not on what they would do. Amazing.
Mr. Collins talks of one of his mentors repeating the idea of “making your life a creative work of art.” Part of this process is to do what you love and are good at, but also to toss what doesn’t work for you. “It takes discipline to discard what does not fit into your life.”
So, this New Years, consider creating a “stop doing” list. I bet it could last longer, with some discipline, then a bunch of empty resolutions made in the heat of the moment. Take your time with this list. After all, you are creating art.
Anyways, even though it is now past New Years, it is never too late to get it going.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
That is the key question. Does it make life easier? Filter any potential purchase or meeting or whatever through this question. This is your filter. Ask yourself this question before you bring anything new into your life.
Why bring something into your life that makes it harder? Yes, there will certainly be a learning curve. But how steep and for what payoff? A shallow learning curve with big payoff is what you want.
Too often, I see my clients grab some new tool or technology. But they spend way too much on the learning curve for a small ROI. Or, rather a small ROT (return on your time). Why spend hours and hours tweaking a cell phone with 87 different apps, when a simple paper system will be more efficient, cost less, and save you tons of tweaking time?
You always pay a price for bringing something new into your life. I just want you to be more aware of this and think before acting. Bring anything you want into your life, just make sure there is good reason.
Are you willing to pay the price?
Here is a real life example. I am testing out a Blackberry phone while I consider switching carriers. There is a learning curve, but I have used a Blackberry before so my learning curve is shallow. The payoff is potentially huge, as I can be more connected to my psychology practice. At least, that is the BS I tell myself. So, shallow curve, for big payoff. Worth it.
I like gadgets and technology. I could spend all day playing around and tweaking this Blackberry. But, I won’t. I will tweak it some, then get on with my life.
My time is too valuable and so is yours.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Just came out of a crappy movie. $7 for boredom and a plot I could have written in two minutes. Shallow acting, predictable plot, lots of action scenes, lots of blood and gore. Overall, I could have left after 20 minutes and sacrificed the $7. But, I was with my brother and nephew who both seemed to enjoy the movie.
To my point.
Directly in front of us was a guy checking his cell phone. It looked, possibly like an iPhone, but I wasn’t sure. But every 15 to 20 minutes he would pull it out of his pocket, check messages or whatever, and then put it away.
Here’s the problem.
Theaters are dark. Phones emit light. Every time he turned it on, the light was in my eyes. Very rude. Very oblivious to those around him. I suspect he was half bored like me. I also suspect he either didn’t think of the fact people were sitting directly behind him, or more likely didn’t care. And to me, that is sad.
Gone are the days of remembering they are not the only one on the planet.
I constantly see people park in handicapped spots in front of the gas station to run in a get a pack of cigarettes. Yes, I agree those people are handicapped. Just not physically.
But, nobody comes to a gas station to shop and hang out. Everybody there is just running into the gas station. That’s what you do, you run in. So, why is the handicapped parker more important than everybody else running in? The answer: he or she is not. They just think they are more important, hence the handicap.
Really, this is more a commentary on society than anything else. Seems more than not, people are living in their own worlds oblivious to those around them. They drive their cars glued to cell phone conversation or do the same in the gym. Forgot that people actually exist around them. That no longer matters.
So, remember, you are not alone.
Your Life Is Easy Coach,
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
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