Gift Giving

I think we have gift giving all screwed up these days.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and it was brought home to me by Seth Godin, in his new book Linchpin.

Here’s the main point.

True gift giving has no expectations.

In other words, when I give you a gift, I give because I want to.  And, here is the key point.  I expect nothing in return.

I give to give because it brings you and me happiness.  Period.

The nanosecond I expect something in return, it screws up the entire transaction.

It immediately diminishes the gift I just gave.

It causes a series of thoughts to go off in your head such as:

“Should I give him something back?”

“What does he like?”

“How much did this gift cost?”

“Do I match what he spent or go more or less?”

See.  I just screwed it up by expecting something in return.

True gifts = no expectations.

Jewish Bar Mitzvahs are a great example of how gift giving is all screwed up.  When I was that age, we would bring a gift to the Bar Mitzvah boy.  That was the expectation.  Nothing else.

These days, the guests not only bring a gift for the Bar Mitzvah boy, but also expect a gift in return.  Huh?  That makes no sense to me.  But, that is the current expectation.  An exchange of presents rather than giving a gift.

Now that I think about it, I’m going to call a gift a gift only when it is given without expectations.  If I am expecting something in return, more of an exchange, then I am going to call it a present.  Not a gift.  There, that feels better to me.

How many times have you given a gift and secretly hoped for something in return?  I know I have.

I am guilty of this like everybody else is.

So, start giving gifts and not presents.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq

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