It was an unusually beautiful spring day here in Michigan today. We usually don’t reach into the 70s this early in spring.
So, there I was, driving along with the sunroof open and the tunes blasting.
Life is grand and beautiful.
As I was driving I came upon a young father with his young son on a tricycle. A potentially beautiful scene.
As I got closer I couldn’t believe my eyes. Here were father and son on a beautiful day enjoying beautiful weather.
The son was riding his tricycle and the father was holding onto the handlebar with his left hand.
So far so good.
However, do you want to guess what was in his right hand?
I’ll give you two guesses, and you don’t need the second.
He had his cell phone up to his ear talking to somebody while out with his son.
I wanted to scream.
Who was more important than his son?
Come on.
This is what life is all about.
He was missing the point.
Granted, in this moment of time he may have been on the phone about something important.
But, from his casual walk and look on his face it looked like a casual conversation.
Just walking along with your son while on the phone.
Enjoying the day with your son.
EXCEPT. You are not there with your son if you are on the phone.
Sure, your body is there. But your mind is elsewhere. Your spirit is with somebody else.
Don’t you think the son knows?
He knows daddy isn’t talking with him.
He probably is learning to keep quiet while daddy is on the phone. Bad lesson to learn.
He is learning that dad values other people, rather than him.
He is learning that multi-tasking is how life is supposed to be.
He is learning that it is OK to be half with people.
He is learning that the way you engage is not full out and 100%. It is OK to be with somebody, sort of.
So, if this was you and that call was important. I apologize.
If that call wasn’t crucial to your well being, than hang up the phone, please.
Your Life Is Easy Coach,
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Way too much noise these days.
Do you like quiet?
I’m not even talking internal noise, just the external kind right now.
My old gym used to have music blasting 24 hours a day. Now, I’m sure some people like that and it pumps them up. I like it too sometimes. Other times, I want quiet.
I prefer to focus on my thoughts rather than being forced to listen to some music I may or may not like.
What about you?
My new gym is better. Nothing blasting at you. Everybody walks around with iPods or something. That is a different issue…
I like noise at times.
Often, I like quiet. Especially early in the morning when I am at my prime time doing creative work. I like to focus on what I am doing without distraction.
Now, I’m going to sound like a psychologist for a second.
I think people like noise so they don’t have to be alone with their thoughts. It is hard to think when drowned out by noise.
I often wonder how much thinking goes on these days.
Thinking, of course, requires some effort and practice. Solving a problem takes some thought. Carefully weighing options in a situation requires thought.
I also wonder how much students are taught to think in school. I mean, to critically think through and solve a problem. This is a valuable skill in the real world than many lack.
Thinking allows you to adapt to situations. We all know that school knowledge is mostly obsolete five or six years post graduation. But, problem solving and thinking skills never go obsolete. In fact, they get more valuable with time.
So, back to quiet. I think best in quiet.
What about you?
Your Life is Easy Coach,
Jeffrey A. Betman
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I was just reading my AAA Michigan auto club magazine. On page 15 it says: “The average driver makes approximately 200 driving decisions per mile.”
Wow.
200?
I would have guessed maybe 10 or 20 at the most.
But, 200 seems wild to me.
Would you believe that a recent study by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration found that almost 80 percent of crashes are caused by driver inattention within three seconds of the crash?
Want to know the biggest distraction?
I bet half of you get it wrong.
The most common distraction is reaching for something in your car.
Think about that.
When was the last time you reached for something while driving?
I did it fairly often, but not anymore.
Last week I was reaching for a CD case in my backseat. I just had to have it.
Could it have waited until I got to the next light?
Of course.
Why was I reaching for it then?
I don’t know.
Was I putting myself at high risk?
Higher than I thought.
Part of living an easier life is being around to enjoy it.
It does you no good to have an easy life and be dead.
I love stating the obvious.
Although I suppose all our lives will be easier in the afterlife, if you believe in that.
Just to fill you in some more, here are the top distractions while driving and that should be avoided:
*reading and writing
*grooming and applying makeup (not an issue for me)
*dialing cell phones
*eating and drinking
*texting, talking and listening on a cell phone
*adjusting the radio or handling a CD
*interacting with passengers
*daydreaming
I’m a big fan of daydreaming, just now while driving.
Moral of the story? Focus on driving while driving.
Your Life Is Easy Coach,
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I think we have gift giving all screwed up these days.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and it was brought home to me by Seth Godin, in his new book Linchpin.
Here’s the main point.
True gift giving has no expectations.
In other words, when I give you a gift, I give because I want to. And, here is the key point. I expect nothing in return.
I give to give because it brings you and me happiness. Period.
The nanosecond I expect something in return, it screws up the entire transaction.
It immediately diminishes the gift I just gave.
It causes a series of thoughts to go off in your head such as:
“Should I give him something back?”
“What does he like?”
“How much did this gift cost?”
“Do I match what he spent or go more or less?”
See. I just screwed it up by expecting something in return.
True gifts = no expectations.
Jewish Bar Mitzvahs are a great example of how gift giving is all screwed up. When I was that age, we would bring a gift to the Bar Mitzvah boy. That was the expectation. Nothing else.
These days, the guests not only bring a gift for the Bar Mitzvah boy, but also expect a gift in return. Huh? That makes no sense to me. But, that is the current expectation. An exchange of presents rather than giving a gift.
Now that I think about it, I’m going to call a gift a gift only when it is given without expectations. If I am expecting something in return, more of an exchange, then I am going to call it a present. Not a gift. There, that feels better to me.
How many times have you given a gift and secretly hoped for something in return? I know I have.
I am guilty of this like everybody else is.
So, start giving gifts and not presents.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
People usually don’t change when they are happy.
Think about that.
Why would you make changes when things are going fine?
Happy people don’t make changes.
Change is usually preceded by frustration, aggravation, irritation or even anger.
Those emotions spur us into action.
After recently moving, I didn’t finish unpacking and clearing out my basement until I got tired of seeing the mess. Every time I walked down to the basement I got somewhat aggravated. I got to the point where it pissed me off and I couldn’t stand it anymore.
That aggravation and anger caused me to take action and make a change.
I’ve seen some of the greatest change in my clients when they finally get pissed off at a situation enough to make a change.
Think of that emotion as the spark in an internal combustion engine. That spark of energy is required before any movement happens.
The spark of change.
No spark, no change.
The entire change process depends on that igniting spark.
So, if I may ask…what is sparking you off today? (OK, bad humor, but its early Saturday morning as I write this and this is the best I have right now).
Is there something around the house?
Something at work?
Something with your children?
Some new habit you want to make part of you?
Whatever it is, I believe you will change only when you past that threshold of irritation or frustration or anger to set the spark off.
Don’t like your finances? Great. Do something about it. But, get mad. Get really mad and tell yourself you aren’t going to take it anymore.
Your anger will spark you and give you motion and momentum. Use it to your advantage. Get pissed at the situation in order to change it.
Now, I’m not talking being fake with yourself or your anger. We are talking real emotion here.
So, I ask again: What is sparking you off today?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
Creativity.
My conclusion is that we are all creative, we just don’t all know it.
I think it isn’t about being creative. Or trying harder. Or taking creativity classes. Or meditating. Or whatever.
I think it is more about letting your creativity out. That you have creativity inside you that wants to be free. But many of us keep it pushed down and locked away.
Somehow, as we get older, we take on more responsibility and conform more and more to the world around us. We have jobs that require us to conform. We have other social pressures that want us to confirm.
Little by little we put our creativity away.
To me, that is sad.
Now, I’m not just talking about painting masterpieces here. I’m talking about anyway you are creative. It can be more on the artistic end of things such as painting and drawing or shooting pictures. Or more arts and crafts kind of stuff. Or writing. Or building a treehouse or set of shelves.
Everybody expresses creativity differently.
For me, it is in two areas. First, I’m an amateur photographer. I love to go out shooting, especially shooting people. Just love it.
Second, writing. I’m in the process of writing another book. Plus, writing these newsletters and articles is all about me letting me be creative.
I get these bursts of inspiration to write and just sit down at my keyboard and write. I wasn’t always like that. Now, I just go with the flow when the mood strikes me.
In the past, I suppressed my creative side. It’s hard to be creative writing basic reports for your boss. You follow a format and that is the end of that.
Now, I can write or photograph what I want. I get inspiration from everywhere.
It makes like more fun. And easier.
So, my advice to you is allow that one area of creativity that is inside you to come out. Just let it be free. Do whatever strikes you. If you feel like writing, then go for it. If you want to paint, have at it. Want to build something? Good. Go do it.
Let me know what you unleash.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Most people play small. Few play big.
You can’t win by playing small. Just like you can’t win by watching.
Playing small is barely the next step above just watching in life.
Playing small means you are making some attempts at life.
You are putting yourself out there, just a little. You are taking small, calculated risks. You are planning and thinking about how to run your household, or career.
How do I know?
My tendency is to play is safe and small. I’m still pushing myself to play bigger and bigger.
But, here’s the deal.
Most people play small. You must play big to win. Most people operate 99 percent within their comfort zone. All the time.
Comfort zone equals comfort.
Comfort zone means never growing or taking risks.
Comfort zone means hardly ever getting your really big goals.
To succeed, you must bust out of your comfort zone.
And, not by putting a toe in the water. This doesn’t cut it. I’m talking about diving in. Going for it. Playing all out.
Leaving you no way back.
Imagine making a well thought out strategic decision and moving forward on it. And leaving yourself no way back. You succeed or die (figuratively) trying. That really is the only way to succeed.
Most people, even when stretching their comfort zone, leave themselves a way out. They leave a way to get back or not really do what was planned.
This almost doesn’t count. Your brain knows it isn’t for real.
On the other hand, if you play big, you make a decision and then go for it. All the way.
For example, if you were thinking of moving to another state, you wouldn’t keep your current place and rent or buy a new place. Wouldn’t make sense and you are leaving yourself a way out.
No, to play big, you would dump your current place, pack up and move. Do or die. Hopefully you wouldn’t be going without some planning and connections. But, there would be no turning back.
Finally, playing big means setting big goals. Now, goal setting is a whole other topic of some controversy. But for our purposes here, you would set goals big enough to scare you. Big enough for your brain to go “wow.” Big enough to hope and big enough to be scared.
Cool, right?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Most people seem to sleep walk through life.
Going to work or raising a family.
Busy. Lots to do.
But, how many people are actually living?
Hopefully, by reading this, you are in the great minority of people alive!
Bad metaphor alert:
Think about life as a basketball game. There are two levels to this metaphor.
First, are you in the game at all? Are you in the arena or just watching the game from home. Most people aren’t playing at life, they are just spectators. It is safer that way.
It is much safer to watch than to play. You can’t get hurt that way, either physically or psychologically.
But, as you know, you can’t win by watching.
Let me say that again.
You can’t win by watching.
As I write this, tonight is Super bowl 2010. Most of us are just spectators. Some are lucky enough to be at the stadium. But, of the US population, how many are actually PLAYERS? Exactly. Very few. They win or lose on the field.
The players aren’t watching. They are putting it all on the line…. either way. That’s why the game is played in the first place. Despite all the bookies out there, the game still must be played.
For me, I’ve played the game (well, not the Superbowl) and sat on the sidelines. More often I’ve been a spectator just like you. But, I am purposely getting in the game and I hope you do too.
Back to basketball.
Second, if you are in the game, you aren’t always on the court. Only 5 players are on the court at any one time. When that is you, then you are peaking, in the zone, jamming, or whatever. You are on. But, most players aren’t in the whole game. Most of the time a players come in and out of the game.
On the bench, you are still in the game, but now your role has shifted to observer, supporter, cheerleader, and planner. You are still actively involved in the game, you just aren’t on the court at the moment.
Back to life.
If you decide to actually play the game, you are on the bench most of the time. You are planning your day, you are problem solving, you are preparing for upcoming meetings, etc. This is bench time.
Game time is the actual meeting or lunch or solving the problem. You are on the floor giving it everything you’ve got. This is when all your planning and thinking comes into action.
Are you in the game?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
What?
Be ruthless?
Hang on, I will explain.
My last newsletter was all about developing an allergy to clutter. Here’s the back end to that story.
It is one thing to become allergic. It is another thing to do something about it.
Once you have a reaction to clutter, I want you to be ruthless about getting rid of it.
This is not the time to be a nice person. This is not the time to hem and haw.
This is the time to grit your teeth and become mean. Treat clutter like the enemy. And you are out to destroy your enemies (I’m just trying to rev you up, I don’t go about my life this way).
So, imagine you have an hour to deal with clutter. You are in your den or study. You have clutter within 12 inches.
Now what?
I say, be ruthless.
Take no prisoners.
There can be no doubt in this situation.
Even a sliver of doubt opens the door to keeping clutter. If you doubt, you will hem and haw.
Your brain will start giving you all kinds of reasons to keep your clutter.
Some of the more popular include: “I might need it some day” and “maybe Sue down the block could use this” and “I got this from my sister/brother/aunt/uncle and can’t get ride of it.”
Yah, yah, yah. All excuses your brain conjures up to keep you in clutter.
You must fight back against your brain.
You must be ruthless.
Pick up one item at a time. Only keep it if it serves some current function or adds beauty to your home or you use it. Otherwise dump it. Easy.
Once you have a pile of stuff you are tossing or donating, please don’t make the same mistake I have made over and over.
Get rid of the pile immediately.
Here’s what happens if you don’t.
It will become clutter. Yep, this pile of stuff that is no longer welcome in your home becomes clutter. More likely, little by little you will grab something out of the pile and put it somewhere else in your house. I know, because this is what I have done.
So, be ruthless and get the stuff out of your house within the hour. Go to Goodwill or wherever; take the stuff to your neighbors.
Just get it out of your house.
Remember, you are being ruthless (just for a few moments).
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
This is going to sound strange.
Really strange.
But, I want you to develop an allergy. On purpose.
When was the last time somebody asked you to develop an allergy?
Yep, pretty strange.
But, if you don’t have this allergy, you might be setting yourself up for a more difficult life. And, I’m all about making life easier for you and me.
So, starting now, please become allergic to clutter.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you had an allergic reaction to clutter every time you came in contact with it?
Imagine you walk into your den, come in direct (oh no) contact with clutter and begin to sneeze and wheeze. Your eyes tear up and start to burn. You can’t stand it. You have to leave the den your reaction is so bad.
Don’t you think if you reacted to clutter like this every time you came in contact with it that one of two things would happen. Either you would get rid of the clutter or you would avoid the den. Either way your problem is solved.
And no, we wouldn’t have any allergy medicine for you.
As I see it, the problem is we don’t have this reaction. We become immune to clutter. We walk and step right past it. We become oblivious to it. It becomes part of the room. Our brains don’t even notice it.
Life is much easier with less clutter. How do I know? This is my life. I inherited the clutter gene. By default, I clutter.
Clutter robs you of energy and takes up psychic space. It takes part of your brain space. That means you have just a tiny bit less for being creative and working on your business. I don’t know about you, but I need all the brainpower I have.
So, next time you come in direct contact with clutter, see if you can muster up a sneeze!
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
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