People usually don’t change when they are happy.
Think about that.
Why would you make changes when things are going fine?
Happy people don’t make changes.
Change is usually preceded by frustration, aggravation, irritation or even anger.
Those emotions spur us into action.
After recently moving, I didn’t finish unpacking and clearing out my basement until I got tired of seeing the mess. Every time I walked down to the basement I got somewhat aggravated. I got to the point where it pissed me off and I couldn’t stand it anymore.
That aggravation and anger caused me to take action and make a change.
I’ve seen some of the greatest change in my clients when they finally get pissed off at a situation enough to make a change.
Think of that emotion as the spark in an internal combustion engine. That spark of energy is required before any movement happens.
The spark of change.
No spark, no change.
The entire change process depends on that igniting spark.
So, if I may ask…what is sparking you off today? (OK, bad humor, but its early Saturday morning as I write this and this is the best I have right now).
Is there something around the house?
Something at work?
Something with your children?
Some new habit you want to make part of you?
Whatever it is, I believe you will change only when you past that threshold of irritation or frustration or anger to set the spark off.
Don’t like your finances? Great. Do something about it. But, get mad. Get really mad and tell yourself you aren’t going to take it anymore.
Your anger will spark you and give you motion and momentum. Use it to your advantage. Get pissed at the situation in order to change it.
Now, I’m not talking being fake with yourself or your anger. We are talking real emotion here.
So, I ask again: What is sparking you off today?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
Creativity.
My conclusion is that we are all creative, we just don’t all know it.
I think it isn’t about being creative. Or trying harder. Or taking creativity classes. Or meditating. Or whatever.
I think it is more about letting your creativity out. That you have creativity inside you that wants to be free. But many of us keep it pushed down and locked away.
Somehow, as we get older, we take on more responsibility and conform more and more to the world around us. We have jobs that require us to conform. We have other social pressures that want us to confirm.
Little by little we put our creativity away.
To me, that is sad.
Now, I’m not just talking about painting masterpieces here. I’m talking about anyway you are creative. It can be more on the artistic end of things such as painting and drawing or shooting pictures. Or more arts and crafts kind of stuff. Or writing. Or building a treehouse or set of shelves.
Everybody expresses creativity differently.
For me, it is in two areas. First, I’m an amateur photographer. I love to go out shooting, especially shooting people. Just love it.
Second, writing. I’m in the process of writing another book. Plus, writing these newsletters and articles is all about me letting me be creative.
I get these bursts of inspiration to write and just sit down at my keyboard and write. I wasn’t always like that. Now, I just go with the flow when the mood strikes me.
In the past, I suppressed my creative side. It’s hard to be creative writing basic reports for your boss. You follow a format and that is the end of that.
Now, I can write or photograph what I want. I get inspiration from everywhere.
It makes like more fun. And easier.
So, my advice to you is allow that one area of creativity that is inside you to come out. Just let it be free. Do whatever strikes you. If you feel like writing, then go for it. If you want to paint, have at it. Want to build something? Good. Go do it.
Let me know what you unleash.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Most people play small. Few play big.
You can’t win by playing small. Just like you can’t win by watching.
Playing small is barely the next step above just watching in life.
Playing small means you are making some attempts at life.
You are putting yourself out there, just a little. You are taking small, calculated risks. You are planning and thinking about how to run your household, or career.
How do I know?
My tendency is to play is safe and small. I’m still pushing myself to play bigger and bigger.
But, here’s the deal.
Most people play small. You must play big to win. Most people operate 99 percent within their comfort zone. All the time.
Comfort zone equals comfort.
Comfort zone means never growing or taking risks.
Comfort zone means hardly ever getting your really big goals.
To succeed, you must bust out of your comfort zone.
And, not by putting a toe in the water. This doesn’t cut it. I’m talking about diving in. Going for it. Playing all out.
Leaving you no way back.
Imagine making a well thought out strategic decision and moving forward on it. And leaving yourself no way back. You succeed or die (figuratively) trying. That really is the only way to succeed.
Most people, even when stretching their comfort zone, leave themselves a way out. They leave a way to get back or not really do what was planned.
This almost doesn’t count. Your brain knows it isn’t for real.
On the other hand, if you play big, you make a decision and then go for it. All the way.
For example, if you were thinking of moving to another state, you wouldn’t keep your current place and rent or buy a new place. Wouldn’t make sense and you are leaving yourself a way out.
No, to play big, you would dump your current place, pack up and move. Do or die. Hopefully you wouldn’t be going without some planning and connections. But, there would be no turning back.
Finally, playing big means setting big goals. Now, goal setting is a whole other topic of some controversy. But for our purposes here, you would set goals big enough to scare you. Big enough for your brain to go “wow.” Big enough to hope and big enough to be scared.
Cool, right?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Most people seem to sleep walk through life.
Going to work or raising a family.
Busy. Lots to do.
But, how many people are actually living?
Hopefully, by reading this, you are in the great minority of people alive!
Bad metaphor alert:
Think about life as a basketball game. There are two levels to this metaphor.
First, are you in the game at all? Are you in the arena or just watching the game from home. Most people aren’t playing at life, they are just spectators. It is safer that way.
It is much safer to watch than to play. You can’t get hurt that way, either physically or psychologically.
But, as you know, you can’t win by watching.
Let me say that again.
You can’t win by watching.
As I write this, tonight is Super bowl 2010. Most of us are just spectators. Some are lucky enough to be at the stadium. But, of the US population, how many are actually PLAYERS? Exactly. Very few. They win or lose on the field.
The players aren’t watching. They are putting it all on the line…. either way. That’s why the game is played in the first place. Despite all the bookies out there, the game still must be played.
For me, I’ve played the game (well, not the Superbowl) and sat on the sidelines. More often I’ve been a spectator just like you. But, I am purposely getting in the game and I hope you do too.
Back to basketball.
Second, if you are in the game, you aren’t always on the court. Only 5 players are on the court at any one time. When that is you, then you are peaking, in the zone, jamming, or whatever. You are on. But, most players aren’t in the whole game. Most of the time a players come in and out of the game.
On the bench, you are still in the game, but now your role has shifted to observer, supporter, cheerleader, and planner. You are still actively involved in the game, you just aren’t on the court at the moment.
Back to life.
If you decide to actually play the game, you are on the bench most of the time. You are planning your day, you are problem solving, you are preparing for upcoming meetings, etc. This is bench time.
Game time is the actual meeting or lunch or solving the problem. You are on the floor giving it everything you’ve got. This is when all your planning and thinking comes into action.
Are you in the game?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
What?
Be ruthless?
Hang on, I will explain.
My last newsletter was all about developing an allergy to clutter. Here’s the back end to that story.
It is one thing to become allergic. It is another thing to do something about it.
Once you have a reaction to clutter, I want you to be ruthless about getting rid of it.
This is not the time to be a nice person. This is not the time to hem and haw.
This is the time to grit your teeth and become mean. Treat clutter like the enemy. And you are out to destroy your enemies (I’m just trying to rev you up, I don’t go about my life this way).
So, imagine you have an hour to deal with clutter. You are in your den or study. You have clutter within 12 inches.
Now what?
I say, be ruthless.
Take no prisoners.
There can be no doubt in this situation.
Even a sliver of doubt opens the door to keeping clutter. If you doubt, you will hem and haw.
Your brain will start giving you all kinds of reasons to keep your clutter.
Some of the more popular include: “I might need it some day” and “maybe Sue down the block could use this” and “I got this from my sister/brother/aunt/uncle and can’t get ride of it.”
Yah, yah, yah. All excuses your brain conjures up to keep you in clutter.
You must fight back against your brain.
You must be ruthless.
Pick up one item at a time. Only keep it if it serves some current function or adds beauty to your home or you use it. Otherwise dump it. Easy.
Once you have a pile of stuff you are tossing or donating, please don’t make the same mistake I have made over and over.
Get rid of the pile immediately.
Here’s what happens if you don’t.
It will become clutter. Yep, this pile of stuff that is no longer welcome in your home becomes clutter. More likely, little by little you will grab something out of the pile and put it somewhere else in your house. I know, because this is what I have done.
So, be ruthless and get the stuff out of your house within the hour. Go to Goodwill or wherever; take the stuff to your neighbors.
Just get it out of your house.
Remember, you are being ruthless (just for a few moments).
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
This is going to sound strange.
Really strange.
But, I want you to develop an allergy. On purpose.
When was the last time somebody asked you to develop an allergy?
Yep, pretty strange.
But, if you don’t have this allergy, you might be setting yourself up for a more difficult life. And, I’m all about making life easier for you and me.
So, starting now, please become allergic to clutter.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you had an allergic reaction to clutter every time you came in contact with it?
Imagine you walk into your den, come in direct (oh no) contact with clutter and begin to sneeze and wheeze. Your eyes tear up and start to burn. You can’t stand it. You have to leave the den your reaction is so bad.
Don’t you think if you reacted to clutter like this every time you came in contact with it that one of two things would happen. Either you would get rid of the clutter or you would avoid the den. Either way your problem is solved.
And no, we wouldn’t have any allergy medicine for you.
As I see it, the problem is we don’t have this reaction. We become immune to clutter. We walk and step right past it. We become oblivious to it. It becomes part of the room. Our brains don’t even notice it.
Life is much easier with less clutter. How do I know? This is my life. I inherited the clutter gene. By default, I clutter.
Clutter robs you of energy and takes up psychic space. It takes part of your brain space. That means you have just a tiny bit less for being creative and working on your business. I don’t know about you, but I need all the brainpower I have.
So, next time you come in direct contact with clutter, see if you can muster up a sneeze!
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
Start your day right.
I’ve talked about waking with gratitude before. But, I can’t remind myself enough about it. Keeping the habit going is critical to my success in life.
As I was thinking about my typical day, I really start off with a double boost. I always wake with gratitude. Second, I always start out quiet in the morning.
Let me explain.
The moment I check my email, or voicemail, or Facebook or Twitter or whatever, is the moment I let the world into my life. Once I open the door to the world, my day is off to the races.
Perhaps the most critical time in my day is BEFORE I let the world in. Before I check even one email or voicemail. This is the time to get my mind and body ready for the day. This is the time to visualize and work my plan for the day.
Usually, I have the day planned out the night before. So, this is not a big planning time. Rather, this is time before getting in the game. From a sports analogy, this is warm-up. The game hasn’t started yet, but is close. From a flying analogy, this is pre-flight.
My energy levels haven’t peaked either. Again, I want to peak during my primetime, not as soon as I wake up.
This period of time must be guarded ruthlessly. The world, like ocean waves, is always looking to intrude. Give it an inch, and you are toast.
Here’s what I do specifically. I wake and give gratitude. This is always first for me. I might spend a few minutes in my head being grateful for what I had, have, and will have. I might read something inspirational on gratitude.
Then, I keep all electronics off. You get used to it over time. The pull to immediately check email, blackberry, iPhone is great. But, for your own sake, please resist.
Even if you do this for 5 minutes, you are developing a powerful habit that lets you explode out of the gate every morning.
I strongly encourage you to wake everyday with gratitude and solitude.
Try it and let me know what you think.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I hear this word almost everyday from my clients.
One simple word often accompanying a couple other sentences.
Seriously, I hear this almost daily.
It’s like a plague upon the population holding people back from reaching their true potential.
It’s an easy excuse. A way to placate ourselves. Really, it’s just a somewhat clever way to lie to ourselves. When we do it and say it, we don’t feel so bad.
But, the damage has been done. The habit formed. Every time you and I do it, the next time is that much easier.
The word: “someday.”
I hear this daily.
“Someday I’ll clean the garage.”
“Someday I’ll write that report.”
“Someday I’ll work up a household budget.”
“Someday I’ll start saving for retirement.”
“Someday I’ll start exercising.”
“Someday I’ll spend more time with my kids.”
You can already see the problem, right? Someday rarely happens. Someday hardly ever gets here. Because when someday gets here, there is always another “someday.”
Someday is usually accompanied by its gang members “When I get around to it” and “one of these days.” All in the same gang. All beating up on you. All robbing you of your potential.
From my point of view, it is healthier and easier to just say you will not do something. Just don’t do it, rather than get into this false promise to yourself.
And that is really what we are talking about, isn’t it. Making false promises to yourself that you know, the moment you make them, you won’t keep. More lies to yourself.
Try this on for size:
“My garage will just stay like it is.”
“That report is a pain, I will just not do it.”
“Who needs a household budget anyway?” (just kidding on this one)
You get the idea. You are better off being honest with yourself, than lying to yourself. You will feel better. You will have integrity. You won’t feel guilty.
By the way, guilt often is for something you feel you should have done, but haven’t. So, this approach gets rid of all the guilt.
You life will be easier when you stop using this most dangerous word. Maybe delete it from your vocabulary. There could be worse things.
By the way, I’m not immune from the word someday. I am vigilant in listening for it in my daily life, then stopping it in its tracks. It still sneaks out every now and then.
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
I’ve been thinking about this lately, because my niece is going off to college this fall. Can’t believe she drives, let alone is going to college.
I’ve been thinking about my high school and college education. Thinking about what was useful and what wasn’t that helpful.
My conclusion is that schools are good for teaching people how to study and learn. They are pretty good at giving us practice socially. They are pretty lousy in preparing people for life and pretty good at filling our heads with useless information.
I won’t even go into the fact that American schools lag behind others in the world. In a big way.
But schools could make such a huge difference in people’s lives. They could really start people down the path of success, rather than mediocrity.
Mediocrity is mostly rewarded in school. Teachers often, not to their liking, teach to the lowest common denominator in class. This is great for those lagging in skills and horrible for everyone else.
I work with many college students who have no clue how to study. They somehow made it all the way to college and haven’t figured it out, nor were they taught.
How is that possible?
These days, many people are in financial quicksand. I never had a course in successful money management. At least, never a course in school.
How is that possible?
Relationships are key to your success at home and in the workplace. Why aren’t there classes on this? Classes on navigating office politics, for example. Young adults have a naive view of the workplace, in that everybody behaves like an adult.
To me, most people in the work place behave more like high schoolers (at best).
How is it possible, that the very critical skills needed for success today are barely taught in school? Isn’t school supposed to prepare you for life? Maybe not.
How was your education?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
If you think about it, everybody should be successful. As successful as they want to be.
But, they aren’t.
Many people are successful, many are moderately successful, and many fail.
Why?
Because success is not natural.
It is really not taught in schools. Sure, bits and pieces are taught here and there. But it is left up to individuals to piece their success together.
I don’t remember a course in high school or college on how to be successful in life.
I took French, which has helped me about zero so far.
No class in life. No class on how important interpersonal relations are. Or how to be better at them. No class in basic financial mastery. Anyway, that is for a different newsletter.
If success were natural, say like breathing, everybody would do it. Some stumble upon success.
I had a cousin who we all felt had the golden touch. Over many years he was in many different businesses, all of which were very successful. Somehow he had the knack for it. He lived out of state, but I wish I could have sat with him to learn his secrets.
Success is not often achieved by following the herd. Success is figuring out how to form the habit of doing what failures won’t do. And doing this consistently over time. And staying in the game long enough to be successful.
It is not about giving up at mile 16 of the marathon. It is staying in the game. It is running and completing the marathon.
So, are you being unnatural these days?
Jeffrey A. Betman, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, and life coach helping people toward the easy life. For a FREE newsletter ($197 value) on making your life easier and FREE report titled 5 Steps To An Easy Life That You Probably Know, But Don’t Do Yet, go to www.LifeIsEasyCoaching.com/sq
Copyright 2010 LifeIsEasyCoaching
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